After a few moments of observing the
room, itself, Arnott began to concentrate more on the other people in the room
with him. They all sat silently, their
eyes darting from one detail of their surroundings to another. This was mostly a tactic to avoid eye contact
with each other.
No one in the room knew exactly how
they got there. It was like awakening
without remembering when you went to sleep.
So, they were all a bit disconcerted, which only added to the already
high degree of social awkwardness.
Arnott grabbed a sly glympse at the
man seated across the aisle from him and slightly to his right. “Looks like this guy’s goin’ next,” he
thought. “He’s the closest to the door.
“I wonder what his name is. I would say that he is either a doctor or a
minister. Judging from the style of his
glasses, I’d say he is definitely a minister.”
At that moment, the door opened to
the inner office; and Travis Thomas was summoned by a voice, but no person was
visible. He exited the waiting room
through the door to Arnott’s right.
“Thomas, huh. I’d say minister, definitely a minister. He even carries himself like a minister”
Arnott concluded.
As Thomas left the room, another
woman seated herself across from Arnott, a little to his left. But, he thought it strange that he did not actually
see her come into the room. She was
suddenly just there, taking her seat.
Arnott did, however, noticed that
she was very attractive. He began to
study her in detail, but only in stolen glimpses, and only when he was sure no
one else would catch what he was doing.
After a minute or two of these
stealth looks, he caught himself. “This
is obviously not the time.” he thought.
But, she was very attractive. And
every minute or two, his eyes would involuntarily dart back to her.
Eventually, Arnott shifted in his
chair to assume what he thought would be a more attractive sitting
position. Unconsciously, he began to hold
some tension on his stomach muscles to make his bulge appear a little less
so.
Arnott looked again at the door to
the inner office. “The next time it
opens, it will be for me,” he thought.
He had noted that the summons was always for the person closest to the
door. With that thought, he felt a deep
emotional surge in the pit of his stomach.
“I feel so alone,” he thought. “I
can’t believe that I have come to this point, and have so little knowledge
about what lies ahead. I’ve been so stupid.
“And I knew this was coming. Why in the world didn’t I make it my business
to know more about all of this. Now,
here I sit, almost completely uninformed,” Arnott lamented in his mind. “And I can only blame myself.”
At that precise moment, the door opened. “John Arnott, come in please,” came the voice
from that still unseen woman.
As John Arnott rose from his seat,
his heart began to pound and his head was swimming, which, in turn, affected
his balance a bit. He was not sure
whether it was the weight of the moment, or he had simply gotten up too
quickly. He suspected the former; but he
hoped it was the latter.
It now suddenly seemed important to
go through that door with confidence.
“Steady now,” Arnott thought.
“You are going to be all right.
You know you are OK; and that’s what really counts.”
Arnott was still groping for his
composure as he passed through the door.
“Come in, Mr. Arnott,” a somehow familiar voice said from the other side
of the somewhat dimly lit room.
“I know that voice,” Arnott thought,
feeling unexplainably reassured by it.
But then, without warning or invitation, another thought suddenly
inflamed his mind as he noticed that the high back chair behind the desk was
facing away from him. “How rude!” he
thought. “Who does this guy think he is? I don’t ...”
Before he could finish his thought,
the chair spun quickly around; and Arnott could not quite comprehend what he
was seeing. His mouth dropped open and
his eyebrows raised involuntarily.
“Surprised, Mr. Arnott?” asked the
man before him with a broad grin.
“But you’re, you’re...” Arnott
sputtered.
“That’s right, I’m you. At least, I’m part of you,” the man said,
still smiling.
John Arnott found himself looking
squarely into his own pudgy face. “Say,
what is this?” Arnott demanded. Who are
you?”
“Well, I would think it is obvious,
sir. I am, indeed, you. Can’t you tell by looking.”
“What do you mean, you’re me? Arnott snapped with a distinct note of
agitation.
The second Arnott threw his head
back and laughed way too loud. “I love
this. This is wonderful,” the second
Arnott quipped.
Arnott stood stone faced and silent,
awaiting a serious explanation. His
counterpart, suddenly realizing that John Arnott was not amused in the least,
quickly cleared his throat and composed himself. “Sorry sir,” he said very seriously now. “The precise explanation is really
simple. I am your ego.”
“My ego!” Arnott almost yelled. “What the...”
Arnott caught himself, thinking better of what he was about to say and
remembering where he was. He paused for
a moment; and took a deep breath. “What
exactly do you mean, you’re my ego?” he continued more calmly.
“Just that, sir,” his counterpart
answered. “I am the guardian of your
self-image. I am the part of you that is
absolutely devoted to protecting your self-esteem. I am the part of you which is singularly
responsible for giving you a very positive view of yourself.
“We both know how important that is,
sir. And it is my job to see that it
happens every single day, no matter what.
My whole purpose is to stop any negative that might try to assault your positive
self- image.”
“OK, I get that - kinda’. But how can you be here like this, separate
from me, I mean?” Arnott queried.
“I really cannot explain that,
sir. “Somehow, I have simply been -
extracted. My sense is that it has
happened especially for this meeting.
But, I don’t really know how I would actually know that.”
“So, in effect, I am talking to
myself,” Arnott restated, still trying to grasp it all.
“Yes, sir, you are. But, is that really so strange? After all, I have advised you, and given you
perspective, and impacted your thoughts and your world view over your entire
life.”
“I suppose so,” Arnott said in a
resigning tone. “But, somehow you never
seemed quite so tangible before. And, I
guess I just wasn’t expecting this.”
“I understand, sir. I think this is all just part of the
process. But, I can't really say that I
understand it either. But, I suppose we
must expect some unusual occurrences given the uniqueness of this circumstance. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Preoccupied with his own thoughts,
Arnott didn’t actually respond to his counterpart. But, in a few seconds he came back to
himself. “Well, what now,” he asked. “Where do we go from here?”
“I’m really not quite sure about
that either, sir. But, I do feel this
overwhelming need to give you my perspective on how it will go for you today.”
That idea grabbed Arnott. He seized on it in his mind. “OK,” he said, “that is something I would be
very much interested to hear. Shoot.”
“Well, I would say you are in great
shape, sir.”
“Really,” Arnott said in a questioning tone. “How so?”
“Actually, I guess it’s just mostly
a feeling. But, why wouldn’t you fare well today? I think you are a better man than
most, sir.”
“Well, maybe, ‘as good as the next
guy,’ would be a better way to say it,” Arnott returned.
“You’re better than a lot of them,
sir. I mean, we both know what goes
on. You know you have never stooped to
the lows that some guys have.”
Arnott, taking some comfort from
those words, nodded just a bit. “I guess
if you stacked me up against the average, I’d look pretty good.”
“OK?
OK? Sir, you would be a lot better than - OK.”
Arnott’s ego corrected with some passion.
“You really think so?”
“I do, sir. I do, indeed,” his ego returned.
“Well, thanks,” Arnott said smiling,
beginning to succumb to the charms of his “Other.”
“You’re welcome, sir.” Then the
other Arnott rose and walked over to a large ornate mirror that was hanging on
the wall. As he gazed into the mirror,
he straightened his tie and made a brushing motion across his lapel.
As he raised his hand to gently
caress his hair into place, it seemed to Arnott that it was an entirely
needless gesture. Not one hair was out
of place. In fact, nothing in his attire
or appearance was really in need of any attention, whatsoever. Arnott could not imagine how his other could
possibly be more perfectly coifed.
“To tell you the truth, sir,
Arnott’s ego continued and he also continued to stare admiringly at the mirror,
“I always knew that you were a cut above.
There is just something about you.
I sense that you are different - special really.”
“How so?” Arnott queried.
“Well, you do the main things so
very well, sir.”
“What do you mean, ‘the main things’?”
Arnott asked.
“Simply this, sir. As I see it, there are three main things that
one must do in life. The first is to
protect your own self-image, at all costs.
I know that you have heard psychologist speak of this. One must constantly be on guard, and let
nothing tarnish your sense of self-worth.
And you have done that very well, sir.
“And what purpose would guilt or
self recriminations serve anyway? In my
opinion, those things should be avoided at all cost, just as I have advised you
all of your life. To do otherwise,
simply serves no good purpose. And the
pain is just too awful. It simply must
be skirted no matter what.”
“But, wouldn’t that leave one a bit
out of touch?” Arnott asked.
“Not at all, sir.” It is merely a tactic that enables you to
effectively manage the negatives in life that would damage you. It is just a harmless coping mechanism,
really.
And besides, look how well it has
served you over the years, sir. You have
avoided a great deal of emotional trauma. And, you have become so very consistently
confident by simply believing in your own, well, ‘rightness’.”
“And, no doubt, it has all been with
your help,” Arnott added somewhat sarcastically, while slightly smiling at his
other.
“Well, yes, sir. It’s just what I do, you know. But, thank you for noticing.
“And, we have done rather well
together haven’t we, sir? And, better
our approach than the alternative. After
all, who wants to end up a down-in-the-mouth victim of what is really mostly
superfluous self-examinations anyway.”
“Well said, ego,” Arnott said
feeling now truly reassured by his ego.
He raised his hand in a mock toast; and both smiled broadly.
“But you said there are three things
that are important?” Arnott queried.
“What are the other two?”
“Ah, yes. I’m so glad you ask, sir. The second really important thing would be
achievement. It is achievement which
really defines a person. It is through
personal achievement that we are able to rise above the sea of nameless and
faceless humanity. And there is little
sweeter than that personal elevation.
“Do you remember that first big job
you landed with Alcorp, sir? Do you
remember how many people you were going up against for that job? But, you got it. You distinguished yourself above all of the
others.
“And what about that house you
bought on Dogwood Lane? It was, by far,
the biggest in the neighborhood. That
was a sweetness that you tasted every time you drove up and down that street. Oh, how especially good it felt when you
would pull into the driveway while the neighbors were outside? You could literally feel their admiration on
your back. Ah, that is what life is all
about, sir.”
Arnott nodded, fully immersed in the
pleasant memories of his conquests and achievements. “That was very sweet,” he
agreed.
“That’s what we’re about, sir: achievement,
achievement at the highest level. That
is what truly feeds the soul.
“You lay a plan; and you make it
happen. You decide what you want and
then grab it with your own two hands.
You just go for it. And you don’t
take ‘no’ for an answer. I tell you
there is absolutely nothing better than being on the top of the heap, sir. Well, unless it is the third thing.”
“And what’s that?” Arnott asked,
genuinely anticipating the answer.
“In a word, it’s ‘destiny,’
sir. To be in charge of your own life
course has no equal in gratification. To
own the prospects of your own destiny is absolutely invaluable. It is to die for. Indeed, it is worth your very soul to be able
to simply ‘call your own shots.’ No man,
who is a real man, will ever settle for less.”
“I agree!” Arnott said, with real
emotion.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever
stated them quite so clearly; but, I have always absolutely believed the three things
that you have just outlined.”
“I know, sir,” smiled Arnott’s
other.
“Oh yeah, Arnott said, now also smiling. “I forgot.”
But now, as that shared smile
passed, so did any obvious subject for further conversation, leaving an awkward
silence in that absence. So, Arnott
said, “Well, perhaps I should go, that is, assuming you’re finished.”
“Oh yes, quite finished I think,
sir.”
“Arnott leaned forward and extended
his hand to his other, who was once again seated behind the desk. “It’s been good.”
“Quite so, sir,” his other confirmed.
John Arnott felt better now. The butterflies in his stomach had subsided a
bit as he turned to go. But, then he
noticed that the door through which he had entered the room was no longer
there. There was now only a solid
wall. Then, when he turned to inquire of
his other, he was also gone.
Instantly apprehensive again, he
surveyed the entire room once more with some desperation. As he did, he noticed a door that he had not
been aware of before. It was on the
opposite wall from where he had entered the room. He opened the door cautiously.
To his surprise, the door did not
lead to another room, but to a long, dim hall.
This uninviting passage way seemed much more dark than light. This effect was created by the small, bare
light bulbs hanging from the ceiling. They
begrudgingly provided only small spots of light in the long hall which quickly smudged
again into darkness until the next spot of light was reached further on.
Arnott stepped into the hall with
very real trepidation. He moved slowly
forward through the deafening silence.
He could not see the end of the hall exactly. He could only note the blackness beyond the
last spot of light.
Mr. Arnott was also vaguely aware
that he was moving down a slight incline.
It reminded him of the isles in a theater, but very absent the pleasant
anticipation. Nevertheless, he continued
to move slowly forward, his eyes riveted on the thick darkness at the end. “Maybe I should not have come this way,” he
thought, “This just doesn’t seem good.”
Eventually, he stood in the last
yellow-gray spot of light. He paused
briefly. But, he knew he must move
forward. Somehow, he was aware – there
was no going back.
As he moved forward, he extended his
hand into the darkness to defend against any unseen wall or structure. Then, as if the lights were suddenly turned
up on a stage, a bright scene appeared before him out of the darkness. He was
suddenly standing in what appeared to be a pleasant city park scene.
An equally pleasant voice spoke to
him from his left, “I’ve been expecting you, sir.”
Arnott looked to his left, once
again, right into his own face. The man
speaking was just rising from an old wooden bench. “Ego?” he questioned.
“Oh no, sir, I am not Ego. I am Hope, your hope, sir,” came the gentle
voice again.
“My hope?”
“That is correct. And, like your ego, I am here for your
accounting.”
“This is crazy!” Arnott blurted,
putting his hand to his forehead.
“I understand your frustration,
sir. It is a bit disconcerting for me
also. I am simply not accustomed to
being quite so entirely my own man,” Arnott’s hope essence confessed.
“Well look,” Arnott blurted with a
note of exasperation, “can you just tell me who you are, exactly. I mean, I know you are my hope, but what in
the world does that mean.”
“I may wax a bit poetic, sir.”
Arnott extended his hand quickly
toward his other, as if to say, “Just do it!”
“Very well,” his hope
accommodated. “Basically, sir, I am a
perspective, your perspective, and a very necessary perspective to your
emotional well-being, I might add. You
see, I am the embodiment of your confidence in the future. To put it another way, I represent your confidence
in what lies ahead, and really, in the prevalence of goodness itself.”
“And now the future is here,” Arnott
quietly remarked.
“Yes, sir, indeed, it is.”
“And how do we fare now, my friend?”
Arnott asked with the slightest sarcasm.
“Will we now actually discover in the present, what we once perceived to
be the good of the future?”
“I am afraid you must answer that
question for yourself, sir. You see, I
have no concept of the present. My view
is always and only forward toward the future.
I simply can see nothing of what surrounds my feet.”
“OK then, what now lies ahead? Can I still hope? Does good prevail in my future, the one that
lies, now, just beyond my nose?”
“Oh, I’m certain that it does, sir,”
Arnott’s hope persona said confidently.
“Well, I have to say, I’m just not
quite that certain. And frankly, I don’t
see how you can be,” Arnott returned.
“I am confident, sir, because one’s
hope is shaped as much by the certainties of the past as by your designs for
the future.”
“Which means?” Arnott queried.
“In short, sir, it means that you
shall now surely reap the good that you have sown in the past.”
“Good?” Arnott questioned.
“Yes, sir. I speak of your abundant good works. Do you not know that those will surely acquit
you well today.
“You have been a good man and done
many things of which you can be very proud, sir. You have been a charitable man. You have helped many. You have done your due diligence to attend
your church and support its programs. You
have done good things for your community.
Those are the things that now count for you, sir. And I would say that you may now count on
them,” Arnott’s hope said confidently.
“Well, I have tried to do the right
things in life. Except for a short time
in my teenage years, I have always had pretty good morals - well, except for
that one small episode with Paula. But,
my wife never knew, so she wasn’t really hurt by it. And, I swore I would never do it again. And, I didn’t. So, I feel like I more than made up for that
mistake later, through my responsible life and charitable works,” Arnott
reasoned.
“My thoughts exactly, sir. From your benevolent past you have fashioned
a very hopeful future. You have done
well. And now, good will surely come.”
Mr. Arnott’s trembling emotional
state began to calm a bit with these hopeful comments. Indeed,
he was feeling a bit more assured
about what was ahead. But, for sure, it
was only a bit.
“Thank you, Hope,” Arnott’s said. You truly have lightened the emotional load
of this day.”
“Your
very welcome, sir,” Hope said, as he bowed his head slightly to convey his own
appreciation.
With those words, once again the
scene went quickly dark. And once again,
John Arnott found himself standing at the upper end of what appeared to be that
same poorly lit hallway.
“What the ...?” In the surprise of it all, Arnott was again
immediately apprehensive as his emotional roller coaster took another nose
dive. “What now,” he thought. “I’ve got to get out of here. I’ve had enough of this.”
Arnott turned to go back through the
door by which he had originally entered the hall earlier. But again, there was no door.
Suddenly, what had been, up to now,
a vague background awareness absolutely burst into his conscious mind. “I – am – trapped!” These paralyzing words sprang into his
consciousness as though, indeed, a steel trap had just closed around him. And with this self admission, his emotions
plummeted even farther and faster.
John Arnott froze in a state of true
panic. He became completely afraid to
move. It was as though any motion would
precipitate some instantly devastating consequence. He stood stock still now completely unwilling
to move forward or backward, daring only to barely breath. A thousand dark thoughts began to assault his
mind. However, nothing more than this
self-inflicted emotional torment actually happened.
After several minutes of this panic
attack, Arnott’s terror began to subside a bit.
Calmer emotions began to gradually return. He began to think more rationally. Finally, he thought, “What am I doing? There
is only one course. Why am I standing
here? I know I have to go forward.” And so, he did.
Now, however, he was even more
tentative, than before. He moved much more
slowly. The passage of each spot of
light on the floor was but a milestone of foreboding.
But, as he moved forward, something
reflexive began to happen. Arnott instinctively
started trying to raise his own morale.
“Come on, John boy,” he thought, “so far, so good. What are you so afraid of, after all. This hasn’t been so awful. Nothing really bad has actually
happened.
“So you had a couple of
conversations with yourself. The
comments were all good and encouraging.
Get a grip, man. You’re doin’ OK
here it would seem.”
Finally, as before, Arnott found
himself standing in the last spot of light.
Again, he extended his hand into the darkness. And, as now half expected, a new scene
illuminated. It was a corner bus stop in
a big city street scene. But, the city
look more like a ghost city. The streets
were eerily empty except for one man sitting at the bus stop across the
intersection. Arnott paused a long time
both to survey the unusual scene and to gather his scattered wits.
Eventually, it dawned on Mr. Arnott
that there was only one other person here.
So, he crossed diagonally across the intersection to the opposite corner
and started down the half block to the bus stop. The other man made no effort
to rise as Arnott approached. He merely
turned his head to quietly observe Arnott’s approach.
“And who are you?” Arnott calmly
asked as again he stared into his own face.
“I am your intellect, sir.”
“Ah, my intellect,” Arnott said,
with mock nonchalance.
“Yes, sir,” Intellect said patting
his hand on the vacant end of the bench as an invitation to Arnott to join him
there.
Arnott seated himself and turned to
face his other. He mused for a moment,
inspecting his intellect up and down.
Finally, with a slight note of sarcastic exasperation he said, “Lately,
I’ve started to doubt if I really have one of those.”
“No need for concern, sir,” his
other responded. “As you can see, I am
quite real. I do, indeed, exist.”
“Yes, so I see,” Arnott returned
quietly now really feeling his own exhaustion.
After a brief quietness he spoke again from the same weariness. “Tell me, Intellect, were you, like the
others, sent here to give me your insights on the outcome of this day?”
“I was, sir.”
“Then let’s just get at it,” Arnott
said with some frustration.
“Very well, sir. You are no doubt cognizant of the fact that I
am a creature, totally devoted to logic and reason. These form the very fabric of my being. I hold them to be the supreme apparatus of
the of life management.
I also believe it true that through
the use of logic and reason we can attain the mastery of any circumstance. Therefore, sir, I believe that we must
approach this day, logically and reasonably.”
“That sounds logical to me,” Arnott interjected with some sarcasm aimed directly
at the pompousness of his intellect.
“Well then, may I ask you, sir, the
auditor that you will face today, is he evil?”
“No,” Arnott said abruptly, “of
course not. He is known for His
goodness, and love, and compassion.”
“Then, is it reasonable to assume
that he will devise evil against you?” Arnott’s intellect questioned.
“Well, I suppose not.” Arnott
answered.
“Well then, answer me this,
sir. Is He reasoned?”
“Certainly,” Arnott answered with
confidence. He is the author of reason.
“Then, does it follow that he will
be reasonable with you?” came the next question.
“I would certainly assume so.”
Arnott answered.
“And what of you sir? Let us consider you in the same cold, clear
light of logic. Have you defrauded anyone?” Have you stolen? Have you lied? Have you harmed anyone, physically?”
“No! of course not,” Arnott
responded with some force in his voice. Oh,
I may have padded my expense account a bit and told a small lie here and there to
make things go the way they needed to.
But, certainly I wouldn’t think any of those things amounted to very
much.”
“Well, there you have it from your
own lips, sir. In light of the facts
presented, I can only logically conclude that any audit of your life by a good
and reasoned being would only come to a positive conclusion for you.”
“I suppose it would seem so,” Arnott
confirmed.
Now, literally exuding the pride which
comes from being completely unaware of your limitations, Arnott’s intellect
smiled, rose, and bowed low from the waist.
Rising, he said, as high sounding as ever, “Sir, I believe our matters
are concluded.”
With those words, the scene, once
again, darkened; and John Arnott now found himself and his bench once again at
the beginning of that now familiar dark hallway. But even though his surroundings had suddenly
changed again, Arnott remained, this time, somewhat immersed in his thoughts of
what had just taken place.
Then, suddenly coming to some
clarity, he said, “What’s wrong with me?
Something is just not right here.
I have had only positive reinforcement through this whole ordeal. And yet, I am as nervous and unsure as ever.
“There is just no reason for
this. There is absolutely no reason why
I should not be confident. So, that’s
what I am going to be. By all accounts, I
have done life right. So, I’m just going
to believe in that - and be confident.”
Arnott paused again immersed in his continuing
thoughts for a long moment. Then,
unexplainably, out popped a deeply frustrated, “Ah man!” as he was driven as if
by some unseen force to again to the idea of, “But, what if…”
Emotionally exhausted and completely
frustrated, John Arnott once again turned his attention to the long trek down
that dark hall. He wondered how long this
process would go on. Nevertheless, one
more time, he started to move down the incline of that hallway.
As he move forward he thought, “John
boy, at this point, you are little different than a dog jumping through hoops.” Nevertheless, as before, he eventually found
himself thrusting his hand, once again, into the darkness to achieve the now
familiar result. And, he was not
disappointed. The scene before him
immediately illuminated but this time only slightly.
John Arnott now found himself
looking across the expanse of what appeared to be a large, stone walled dungeon
which had one small, flickering torch on its massive central post. The only other feature of the room, itself
were two massive door on the opposite wall.
Beneath the torch, at the base of
the post, sitting flat down with has back against the post and his legs splayed
straight out in front of him. His
posture screamed “I’m exhausted and I’m done.” But, the man, himself, uttered
not one word.
Arnott walked forward toward him. But, by his third step, he became aware of
the scathing stare of his counterpart. It
was as if his unblinking eyes were attempting to burn a hole in Arnott’s
face. It was extremely
discomforting.
“Hello,” Arnott said, a bit
intimidated by the look he was getting.
But, his counterpart said nothing.
He just stared in obvious contempt for Arnott.
Now, Arnott realized that he needed
to assume a different posture, entirely.
He said, “Have we got a problem, friend?”
“Well, you might say that, Arnott’s
other scowled. If you call stupid a
problem, then yeah, we have a very serious problem. If you call thick headed, hard hearted,
self-excusing, and egotistical a problem, then yeah, Mr. Arnott, we definitely
have a problem.”
Arnott’s face instantly turned to
fire as he instinctively understood that all of those adjectives were aimed directly
at him. Before he thought, he blurted
out, “Well, why don’t you just go to …” Arnott caught himself just before he
finished, realizing that this was definitely not the day for that kind of
reaction. But before he could restate,
his other continued.
“You just don’t get it do you,
Arnott! Hell is exactly where I am
going, thanks to you!”
“Well that suites me just fine!” Arnott
shot back.
“You really don’t get it do
you. Don’t you know, even after all of
this, that you are talking to yourself, you fool! You have just wished hell on yourself!”
“You may look like me, hot shot, but
I don’t know you!” Arnott returned
“You’ve got that right!” Arnott’s
other shouted angrily. “And do you know
why you don’t know me? It’s because you
never gave yourself a chance to know me!”
“What the devil are you talking
about?!” Arnott yelled with peaked anger.
“I’m your conscience, Arnott!” the
other yelled back.
Arnott paused briefly under the
impact of what he heard. “My
conscience?” he said in a much lowered and questioning voice.
“That’s right, your conscience,”
Arnott’s other responded, also in a much lowered voice, but one which was thoroughly
infused with a tone of deep disappointment.
“Well, why are you so angry?” Arnott
questioned.
“Because you ...” He paused,
obviously overwhelmed with deep emotions.
“Because you have absolutely refused to hear me all these years on the
things that really matter.”
“I’m listening now,” Arnott returned
defensively.
“Oh yeah. That’s great.
Now, in the eleventh hour, when I can do nothing to help either of us,
now you are listening. Well, I’m afraid
you’re just a wee bit too late, my friend.”
“What do you mean, too late?” Arnott
asked, suddenly feeling deep pangs of undefined fear beginning to well up
inside him again.
“John, in a few minutes...” The voice of Arnott’s other broke and he
lowered his head. Arnott saw large tears
dropping to the floor. But eventually, Arnott’s
counterpart started again, “John, in a few minutes, those doors will open and
we will be drawn through them to experience the eternal death of Hell’s forever
flames.”
Arnott was instantly cut to the
heart. Instantly, he knew that he was
now hearing the real truth that he had been only very vaguely aware of
before. His knees buckled; and he sank
to the floor.
“Please, oh please no,” Arnott
whispered as he leaned forward on his knees, doubled over by the burning
emotional pain of what he had just heard.
“This just cannot be,” he groaned.
Arnott’s conscience, now also
completely broken emotionally, now moved to where John Arnott was. He knelt down in front of Arnott; and they
both wept for several minutes. Finally,
Arnott raised his head to again stare into the face of his conscience. “But how...?
Why...?” Arnott choked.
“I just couldn’t reach you,
John. I tried day after day. But, those self-absorbed idiots would drown
me out with their pleasant lies, and their easy way. They would tell you what you wanted to
hear. They assured you that everything
was OK. So, you simply listened to them
and all but entirely ignored me.”
“What idiots? Who are you talking about?”
“Do you not know, even now? It’s those fools that you met earlier, that puffed
up ego of yours, and that treacherous false hope, and that know it all
intellect who wouldn’t know real truth if it slapped him in the face. Always, the true reality escapes those
guys. They serve only their own
bellies.
“In their whole miserable existence,
they never, for even one day, served your real interest, your enduring
interests. Their single concern was only
ever their own gratification. Every day,
they but stroked you, to stroke themselves.
And as a result, we are all now become eternal victims.”
“But, I thought they were helping
me.” Arnott pleaded.
“Well, I leave it to you, John. Do you feel helped at this point?” his
conscience countered.
“You were the voice of my anxiety,
weren’t you?” Arnott asked.
“I was. That was I calling to you, trying to warn you
before it was too late. Even today, when
they were falsely encouraging you, as always, it was I who stirred you to be
skeptical of their lies and treachery.
“But their desirable lies, as usual,
spoke much louder to you than my demanding truth. And, as usual, it was simply easier for you
not to hear me.”
Arnott lowered his head and began to
sob again in the deepest anguish. His
conscience sat quietly, now simply helplessly observing.
Eventually, Arnott raised his head
again. “Conscience, you have a knowledge
of the truth, is there any real hope at this point, any at all?”
“Do you mean, to avert what awaits
us beyond those doors?”
“No, Arnott clarified, not to avert
it. I realize now, that is
impossible. But, can we somehow find a
reprieve in the future? Is there any
hope of escape from the horror of those flames at any point in the future?”
Arnott ask, in the most desperate tone.”
“John, I don’t think it now serves
any purpose to...”
“Please, conscience, answer me.”
Arnott pressed.
“No John. There is no such hope. The only hope we ever had was to renew a
truth based friendship with God through Jesus.
But instead of pursuing Him with
your whole heart when you had opportunity, the idiots persuaded you to
marginalize Him, and trust in yourself for direction and fulfillment in
life. Now, that opportunity is entirely
past. And, our fate is now forever sealed.
“There is no reprieve. There is no clemency. There is no appeal. There is no pardon of any
kind available. All opportunity is
behind us. We are now forever hopeless.”
Arnott closed his eyes tight as
these words sunk into his consciousness like sharp knives. Tears squeezed from beneath his eyelids. And now, the profound anguish of the moment simply
took the form of quiet weeping.
Arnott’s conscience spoke
again. “John, with all my heart, I wish
this could be different. But, we are all
measured carefully by God’s truth, against His real requirements for meaningful
relationship. And the lies of your
self-concentric inner man do not alter those requirements in the least.
“Self esteem is fine, John; but we
are not, at the end, measured by ourselves.
Hope is wonderful; but it must not become misplaced in our self and our
own puny life schemes. God gave us
intellect as a tool to discover Him, not to devise ways to circumvent a
friendship with Him.
After a time, the door through which
Arnott had entered the room opened again.
His ego, his intellect, and his hope entered the room without a
word. Once they were in, as before, the door
disappeared.
Arnott and his conscience watched
them move to one corner of the room and huddle together sheepishly there. John Arnott noted the scowling look on the
face of his conscience as he view the other three with obvious contempt.
“Conscience,” Arnott inquired, “what
will happen to them?”
“They will join us. We are, after all, one. For better or worse, we are one,” he said,
with unmistakable disappointment in his voice.
At that moment, the two large doors
directly in front of Arnott and his conscience began to slowly open. His conscience whispered in a low but
desperately fearful voice, “It’s time.”
Arnott began to weep with
abandonment, as did all of his others.
Suddenly, thick rays of ultra-white light surged instantly into the room,
grabbing Arnott and all of his inner facets.
It withdrew them from the room as instantly as it had come. Then, slowly the doors closed again and the
scene, for a moment, stood empty and quiet.
Then the room slowly darkened again.
*****
In the waiting room, David Hart was
nervously waiting for his own name to be called. He had, by now, understood that the closest
one to the door of the inner office would be the next one called. He was struck by how very real and touchable
everything was. He hadn’t really
expected that.
Betty Sweeney had just gone through
the door to the inner office as Bob Hamiter entered the waiting room and seated
himself to David’s left. Various
thoughts were flowing through David’s mind, “I wonder what’s waiting for me on the
other side of that door? I just wish I
knew more about what’s going on here...”
The End
